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9ilnyPeople someones speak out of both sides of their mouth.  It seems they don’t know what they want which is confusing for those of us that do.  They say all the right things….I personally call them “pretty words”.  They “lead” you on to believe they are on the same page with you.  They want the same things you do.  They call you every day, send you texts first thing in the morning, and all throughout the day, long talks throughout the night.  You try to stay guarded telling yourself that it’s a long fall from this cloud 9 your floating on.

You talk about past experiences, favorite foods, favorite movies (really?  I love that movie too!)  Everything seems too good to be true.

I’m one that loves hard.  I fall fast.  I feel deeply.  I’m emotional.  Even after all I’ve been through in life I try so hard not to be jaded.  I have felt those things with people that are hard to love back but it didn’t start off that way so when you find out that maybe you aren’t on the same page (scratching my head), you’re kinda stunned. What just happened?

This is my perception…I’m a die hard romantic.  I’d do anything to be in love with my best friend.  To do all the fun things together but also have that wild crazy passion that drives the closeness between us.  But at the end of the day, someone, and it’s usually the one that cares the least pumps the brakes or slams them on all together to where you feel like you have a mild concussion from the dopamine impact that you once thought was coursing through each of you.  All of a sudden this is all going too fast and there isn’t really a future for us?  WHAT?  Say that again?  I’m really confused.  Then comes the silent treatment from something taken way out of context, then refusing to respond to texts and phone calls.  Where is the communication?  Aren’t I worthy of that?  The six year old child in me wonders what I did wrong this time.  I gave affection, attention, and made myself available.  Those tears from fear of abandonment once again are coming from that little girl that still grapples to hold on to what “could be”…the smoke screen of what she was told could be.  There is total confusion.

At 41 (almost 42 in less than 24 hours) I refuse to let these things make me jaded but I also fight against picking up brick by brick protecting myself from the hurt.  Who do you trust anymore.  Do you continue to love hard? Or give up on those that are too hard to love?